WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
General Motors doesn't have a 'help line' for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if
they did . . .
HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!'
HELPLINE: 'Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?'
CUSTOMER: 'What's an ignition?'
HELPLINE: 'It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine.'
CUSTOMER: 'Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of
these technical terms just to use my car?'
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HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't goanywhere!'
HELPLINE: 'Is the gas tank empty?'
CUSTOMER: 'Huh? How do I know!?'
HELPLINE: 'There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?'
CUSTOMER: 'It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?'
HELPLINE: 'It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to
install it for you.'
CUSTOMER: 'What!?' I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have
to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything
built in!'
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HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'Your cars suck!'
HELPLINE: 'What's wrong?'
CUSTOMER: 'It crashed, that's what went wrong!'
HELPLINE: 'What were you doing?'
CUSTOMER: 'I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it
won't start!'
HELPLINE: 'It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?'
CUSTOMER: 'I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
crash anymore!'
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HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
and power door locks.'
HELPLINE: 'Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'How do I work it?'
HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'
CUSTOMER: 'Do I know how to what?'
HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'
CUSTOMER: 'I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!'
(weitergereicht von Stephan Reichenberger)